You know That Guy

…the one who knows everything and is always right? Well, I had a conversation with him last night at church. He asked how I was doing and I mentioned that my sinus problems were getting worse–

“You should see a doctor.”

“Yeah, I actually saw a specialist yesterday. And he has me doing this new treatment–”

“Neti pot,” That Guy burst out, full of self-satisfaction. “My wife uses it everyday.”

“Oh, I don’t like it much. It’s uncomfortable–”

“You’re doing it wrong.”

“I am doing it just the way my doctor taught me.”

“What are you doing, power-hosing your nose? No wonder it hurts.”

“Well, I need to get going. I was just looking for my husband–”

“He’s right behind you.”

“Oh, thanks. He’s always disappearing on some kind of ministry work.”

“He’s right in front of your face.”

“Nice talking to you.”

Don’t be That Guy.

Snippets

1. I have two new recipes up at Eat At Joe’s. If you’re in the mood for seafood, try your hand at homemade sushi. Don’t worry if your rolls don’t look great to begin with. It takes some practice! If you’re looking for a hearty winter recipe, try the Big Guy’s winter squash, pine nut, and golden raisin lasagna.
2. Why do people feel the need to rush up behind you and prevent you from merging when your lane ends? As soon as they see the blinker, they become the Keepers of the Lane, keeping the inferior lane-mergers out of the way. Even when you’re completely in front of them.
3. Challenge your brain and help the world. Check out this cool little site. My score was 43 after about 2 minutes. What’s yours?
4. Merry at Mom and More awarded me the Roar Award for writing. Have a look at my response – tips for excellence in writing – over at Pearl Writing.

Update: a kind reader pointed out that the Mom & More link went to the wrong place. It’s now updated. Go say hi!

I’m not sayin’, I’m just sayin’.

Dear Friends,

I know what you’re thinking. “Is something different about Ang? Did she get a new haircut? Something’s different, that’s for sure. Don’t act like you’re staring at her face. What is it? Gosh, that glittering thing is distracting. Right in the middle of her face. HEY! Is that a nose piercing? Has she always had that? Well, crap, now I can’t say anything. What if she’s had it all along and I say, ‘Hey, did you just get pierced?’ and she says, ‘What, you’re just noticing now?’ I’m just going to have to pretend I didn’t see it.”

Dear Husband,

I love you so much for knowing that when I walk into the house with a new haircut and color, you’re supposed to look at me admiringly and say, “I love it! You look great, honey!”

But darling, I need more input. If you really, truly love the hairstyle, and are not just making the obligatory noises, I might consider getting this same haircut and color again, rather than moving onto the next style and color I could never wear in Corporate Hell. See how that benefits you? I am a reasonable woman who is willing to consider outside input. After all, you look at me more than I do.

So if you love my new style, here’s what you can do after the initial pleasantries. Let me catch you looking at me later in the day with the same expression you had on your face on our first date at the Churchill’s going-away party (and yes, honey, our first date was the Churchill’s going-away party, not that Thai restaurant and the Elaine Boosler show), when our eyes met across the room and I could see you suck in your breath like I just made your heart stop. Bonus for you? When you look at me with that expression, my clothes spontaneously leap off my body.

Just sayin’.