Tell Me How Your Day Was

November 16, 2007 in Abnormal Motherhood | Tags: Mom of Teens, Mom Prayers, Teenagers

Dear God,

Please pour out your protection on my Little One. I know that out of all the moms in the world you chose me to be the mother of the Child Who Has Made Swear Words Come Out of My Mouth, but if she wakes me up at 5 a.m. one more morning telling me that she has a stomachache and can’t go to school, I may just have to take her out of this world.

And if you choose not to lull her to sleep during the morning stomachache time, could you please send us a diagnosis for this elusive stomach problem?

Lord, I know that you don’t give us any more than we can handle, but sometimes I feel like you might have overestimated my patience when you gave me a child who argues with every single thing that I say. You know her. You’ve seen.

I know you see my feelings, God, and know how badly I want to wrap my arms around her and snuggle her and smell her good Little One hair smell. You know how much I want to hear all about what those mean girls said in US History so I can go beat them up and their moms, too. You know that I want to hear her thoughts about social issues after seeing the play “The Crucible” in Acting class today. I want to hear how she views the world based on the ideas that Arthur Miller has introduced to her today. But God, you and I both know that anything I ask is going to be shot down in flames with a vicious, “I don’t feel like talking right now.” And then she’ll go in her room and call someone on her phone.

And you know I’ll be clenching my fists impotently, screaming internally, “Why won’t you just let me love you?! Why can’t I be part of your life?”

Lord, is that how you feel about me?

Love,

14 comments

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November 16, 2007 at 4:16 pm

josie

“Child Who Has Made Swear Words Come Out of My Mouth” — is that on her birth certificate?!? LOL (That’s funny right there.) What won’t they come up with to get out of school. I never did that, of course … OK … well … maybe I did that once in a while.

Awww, I love how you talk about smelling her good hair smell. What a great image.

This is a beautiful way to show how we let God down. It’s a very good thing that God is so forgiving, otherwise I’d be in big trouble. Hang in there Angelawd

November 16, 2007 at 5:31 pm

Merry

You know, I’m not looking forward to this. My oldest is ten and she’s already a drama queen, and far too smart for her own good, and I know she doesn’t tell me everything… but she hasn’t yet shut me out – I know it’s coming, I was there once upon a time, but I am not looking forward to it…

I love the way you connected your daughter shutting you out to the way we shut out God, knowing that we often don’t mean to but that we don’t want to burden Him, think our problems don’t count for prayers, or worse, don’t think to talk to Him without a request… It reminds me of an older country song, A Father’s Love, have you ever heard that one?

Hang in there – I can’t speak from experience as my three are younger than this… but if my own teenage rebelliousness counts at all, they come back around when they’re ready.

November 16, 2007 at 10:28 pm

Sue

Ack! This is my biggest fear – that someday my children won’t let me love them, that they will suddenly turn distant and unknowable. What a fabulous post – so vivid and funny AND scary, all at the same time.

I hope she softens toward you soon.

November 17, 2007 at 3:03 pm

angelawd

josie, we shortened her name on the birth certificate. I’m grateful that God is forgiving, too.

Merry, I haven’t herad of that song. But yes, you’re right, there are so many reasons we shut God out of our lives. I see that in the way LO acts towards me.

Sue, I didn’t expect it to happen, but when they shut us out, it sure hurts. Thanks for your hopes for us!

November 18, 2007 at 8:06 am

Mary Witzl

I speak from my experience: I appear to have been given a similar model. My daughter can get a stomachache at the drop of a hat and she will happily wake me up at any hour she feels like doing so. It really wears thin after a while.

One thing I have learned is that you have to listen to teenagers when they want to talk, not when it is convenient for you to listen to them. I find this so infuriating, but I have done my damnedest to listen to my eldest when she wants to bend my ear. Most of the time I feel that making the effort was worthwhile, but as you have no doubt learned, your relationship with your teenager is a constant seesaw. One day you are the Beloved Mother, the next, your child’s own personal nemesis.

What I find the hardest is the double standard. My daughter gets away with verbally abusing me, but calls me on the tiniest verbal indiscretion on my part. If I neglect to wash her school blouse because she forgot to bring it down, she feels this is comparable to her not tidying her room for three weeks.

All we can do is wait and hope that one day we will have the pleasure of watching them with their own teenagers.

November 19, 2007 at 9:18 pm

Damama T

HI! I followed your link here from Pearl Writing. It looks like we have something in common… TISS – teenager-induced stress syndrome. LOL!

I know exactly how you feel. But don’t quit trying to talk to her. Maybe you can try what I did?? Instead of the direct approach. Wait until you are in the car, listening to “her” radio station. Then tell her something rotten that happened to you -something someone did or said that really irked / hurt / embarrassed you. (yes, making up something is OK as long as your memory is good enough to be able to remember it if she brings up later! LOL!) Ask her what she thinks about the way you were treated. Then just drop it… sit back and be amazed at how insightful she can be about your problems. Praise her thoughts. And watch her light up. It could be the first step on your road to communication. It worked for me! Too bad good communication skills couldn’t fix what ails my daughter… but it is a start!

http://damama2all.blogspot.com/

November 21, 2007 at 10:15 am

See, I told you I was sick. « angelawd

[...] of you who have been following along are aware of Little One’s chronic stomachaches. Remember the worst birthday ever? Most mornings she would take her temperature and then announce [...]

November 21, 2007 at 12:02 pm

angelawd

Mary, you’re so right about the double standard! They just don’t have a clear perception of their own behavior!

Damama, that’s great advice. I’ll give it a try!

November 23, 2007 at 6:38 am

Kathleen

Oh, how I remember being shut out and treated like the enemy! Also, the fear in my heart. I didn’t know what my daughter was involved in when she wasn’t home because she wasn’t home and wouldn’t talk to me! I still remember a day when my husband went to the State Fair to judge some entries by the FFA students. I watched these well-mannered teen-agers, so fresh-faced and bright-eyed, and I began to cry because my own teen was so unlike them. I asked myself where I had failed and what I could do differently. I left that tent and just wandered the fair in tears because I could not bear to watch them anymore.

As she turned 18, my daughter left to live with other family members, away from the influence of unhealthy friends. But, of course, she took her attitude with her and none of them could tolerate her behavior either. The gift of this was, though, that she slowly began to realize that it wasn’t me that was the enemy. That is was her own behaviors that was turning people away. (Oh, how she fought that realization, though!)

Finally, she was on her own, having used up help with all family members. She was so happy to be on her own and then the hard times began. But she slowly changed to stand up to them and become a responsible person. We helped her some financially through that time, but never suggested she move back home.

Today, she comes to visit with her family once in a while and after she leaves, there is always a note left somewhere in the house that says that she loves me and that I am the best mother in the world. Do not give up hope, Angelawd. God never gives up hope on us and there is always a resurrection after a deather in our heart. You have already seen it in your life. Your sister has seen it in hers. I have seen it in mine over and over.

December 9, 2007 at 6:01 pm

Sarah @ Real Life