The other night Little One came into my office and, spurred by an article in her Cosmo Girl magazine, announced that we needed to have “The Talk”.

Now, since she and First Born were little, we have had numerous versions of “The Talk”, ranging from #1: “God made your body very special” to #9: “If anyone ever touches you in a way that feels wrong, please tell me immediately”, to #15: “Sex is a beautiful gift within marriage.” I feel that I’ve been pretty open and calm about discussing important things.  So I wasn’t quite sure what we had left to discuss.

Whooo. Here are the 3 questions she asked:

1. How old were you when you first had sex?

2. What age do you think is right to have sex?

3. What do you think about age differences in dating?

First of all I’d have to say that, while I hate on general principles all fashion magazines, I was very impressed that the article urged girls to talk with their mothers about this. Yay! So then I had to answer the questions.

When did I first have sex? When I was fourteen, against my will. It was a bad experience, along with several others that came after it. Later on, though, I had good experiences with people who truly cared about me.

What age do you think is right to have sex? I had such a long answer for this that I wanted to sit her down and make her read my post on virginity and sexuality. But parenting via the Internet doesn’t work very well. She already knows that I believe we should save sex until marriage. So I said that I don’t think there is a specific right age, but rather specific right conditions. I said that if you have sex with a guy who has not made a commitment to stay with you for the rest of your life, you run a high risk of getting hurt. Young men, even the good ones, are more interested in the physical act of sex than women, who tend to become emotionally involved through the act of sex.  Young men are less likely to want to help us enjoy sex, which is every woman’s right while making love. And as we get older, men and women both become more mature and wise in handling relationships so that we treat each other better and are more willing to try to please each other in bed.

Frank enough?

What do I think about dating age differences? First I said that at some point, there’s an “eeewww” factor. She asked me what I meant, and I said a 30 year old dating a sixteen year old. She agreed with the “eeewww”.  She was specifically talking about her friend who’s dating a guy that’s 21. I told her that there should be a huge maturity difference between them, and in those situations you have to be very wise and discerning about what you see. Is there a reason why the guy is dating someone much younger than him rather than someone his own age? Is it because he has the maturity of a 17 year old or is the girl exceptionally mature? I pointed out that a 21 year old has much more freedom and can go to many places that someone who’s 17 can’t access, and this can strain a relationship. I don’t know the people so I’m not saying it’s bad, just a situation to approach with caution. Of course, it’s not MY daughter who’s dating a 21 year old.

I feel so thankful that I’m a work at home mom these days. When LO feels like talking, she wants to talk now, and when she’s done, she’s done. If I was gone the opportunity might have been missed.

Of course I know that she will pick and choose what she wants to listen to and make her own decisions. I am just hoping I am providing a loud enough voice to conteract all the other voices in her life telling her to do whatever she feels like, because as long as she isn’t hurting anyone she can do what she wants.  I want better for my daughter than that.